


Words That Were Left Unsaid

by hyesoh



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst with a Happy Ending, Multi, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, Park Chanyeol Being an Idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-31 22:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12142572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyesoh/pseuds/hyesoh
Summary: Kyungsoo has loved Chanyeol ever since he was five years old.





	Words That Were Left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LiveJournal on February 2013. It is a belated Christmas gift/early birthday present for the person who got me into the EXO fandom.
> 
> November 2013 update: [Chipgautruc](https://twitter.com/Chipgautruc) from Twitter has translated this fic to Vietnamese [here](https://chansooheaven.wordpress.com/2013/11/06/transone-shot-words-that-were-left-unsaid/).

Chanyeol smiled when he saved a goal, and it was the most wonderful thing Kyungsoo has ever seen and will ever see. He was five, and was covered in mud and grass. For a few seconds, Kyungsoo forgets that he was playing soccer, until the ball Minseok kicks towards him hits him in the stomach and he falls down on the muddy ground.

“Wah, I'm so sorry!” Minseok gasped, his meatbun-like cheeks turning pale with worry as he ran towards Kyungsoo. “I didn't mean it, I swear!”

Chanyeol was the one who got to Kyungsoo first though, and the boy was slightly laughing as he helped Kyungsoo up. “Are you okay?” he asked, and Kyungsoo found out he couldn't look at anywhere else but at the boy's face. He nodded a little.

“He's okay!” Chanyeol called out to Sehun, Jongdae, and Jongin, who had been shouting, asking if Kyungsoo was hurt. He looked at Kyungsoo again, but with a more serious expression this time. “Are you sure you're okay? You can hit the bench if you're not, no one will get mad.”

“I'm okay.” Kyungsoo assured him, and Chanyeol ruffled his hair, made a thumbs-up sign, and ran back to the makeshift goal he was supposed to be guarding. Kyungsoo was slightly grateful for the mud coating his reddening cheeks.

“Pay more attention, okay? Your mom will kill me if I bring you back to your house all bloody.” Minseok said worriedly, before he bops him lightly on the head. “Where were you looking, anyway?”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “Nothing.” he said, and Minseok shrugs before running back towards the others. Kyungsoo followed the boy quietly and didn't say, _“At Chanyeol.”_

_\--_

Whenever he sees Chanyeol, there was a thought chanting at the back of his mind, and it was, _“I love you, I love you, I love you.”_ He doesn't say this, though, because he knew Chanyeol liked cute girls who smiles a lot and were sincere and nice.

Kyungsoo knew that he wasn't cute, not like Minseok anyway, who hasn't outgrew his round cheeks yet, so he smiles a lot instead and tries hard not to get angry at the smallest provocations. It doesn't work like it should have, but Chanyeol liked him enough to let him belong to his circle of friends, and Kyungsoo supposes it was good enough to be near with Chanyeol like this.

\--

If Byun Baekhyun was the sun, Park Chanyeol was a sunflower.

That was what Junmyeon said when he observed how Chanyeol followed the transfer student with his eyes during lunchtime one day. Chanyeol had vehemently denied it, but his cheeks were red, and no amount of denial could disprove the fact that he was in love.

Kyungsoo had eaten his lunch quietly, not joining the others as they teased Chanyeol, and wondered if it was his geeky hair, his large eyes, his complete inability to aegyo, or his simply being Do Kyungsoo that made Chanyeol not like him like he does Byun Baekhyun.

_'If I can't be his sun,'_ Kyungsoo decided as they went back for their afternoon classes, _'then I will be his earth, who will always support him even after the sun has set.'_

_\--_

Baekhyun and Chanyeol got together on Kyungsoo's 16th summer, when Kyungsoo was on a trip to visit his grandparents in the countryside. Chanyeol had called him, his tone all excited as he delivered the news, and Kyungsoo had said, “Finally!,” congratulated him, and made Chanyeol promise to treat them all to pizza and when they're all back in Seoul.

“I'm glad you're the one I told the news first.” Chanyeol said, and Kyungsoo could almost see his friend's wide smile, and he could almost see Chanyeol tapping the back of his phone in excitement, but he couldn't, because his vision was getting blurry and he was trying hard to hold back his tears.

“You should've called Jongdae first.” Kyungsoo laughed, and it sounded hollow even to his own ears. “He would've yelled about how he didn't want to hear it and that you two should find a separate table to have lunch on.”

Chanyeol laughed then, a carefree and mirthful laugh, and for a second, Kyungsoo wanted to see it. But then he remembered what he looked like now—fake laughing and real crying, and suddenly he was glad that they were having this conversation over the phone, with a hundred miles between them.

After Kyungsoo hung up, he stood up to lock the door of his room, slightly hearing the television dramas his grandmother was watching downstairs as he did so. He knew his grandmother would drop everything if she sees him in tears. He knew she would do her best to comfort him and cheer him up, but the reason Kyungsoo was here now was because the doctors said his grandmother might not live for another year...

...and he'd rather shorten his own life than burden her with his love problems, so Kyungsoo just laid down on his bed and used the pillow to muffle his sobs.

\--

Being in the same room as Chanyeol and Baekhyun was suffocating, even if they were in a large classroom that could fit a hundred—maybe two hundred students. The two would always sit next to each other, their heads inclined towards the other. Sometimes Baekhyun would laugh quietly at something Chanyeol said, and Chanyeol would smile indulgently. Sometimes Chanyeol would laugh loudly at something Baekhyun said and Chanyeol would receive stern looks from people around him, usually Jongdae.

Kyungsoo sat with Junmyeon these days, who, after a few days surrounding the chaos of the new idiot couple, gave up on trying to study near them and took the farthest seat away. Kyungsoo gave up after a week of trying to look happy and came to sit with Junmyeon.

Still, he couldn't stop glancing towards the two, and Junmyeon, being the smart guy that he was, eventually figured it out not too long afterward. Whenever he sees Kyungsoo looking at the two, he frowned thoughtfully, letting Kyungsoo see how worried he was for him, but didn't say anything else.

Kyungsoo was thankful.

\--

Chanyeol hugs him for the first and last time on their graduation day. He tensed up, not knowing what to do, before his arms made up his mind for him and reached up to hug Chanyeol back. Before Kyungsoo knew it, tears were falling down on his face, and he was crying in earnest.

Later, he would say that he cried because he was going to miss the times they spent, from Sehun and Jongin, who would be left behind because they were a year under them, Jongdae's trolling, Minseok's cheeks, Junmyeon's grade-consciousness, and, he joked, even the Baekyeol couple's cavity inducing moments. Junmyeon knows it's bullshit but said nothing. Minseok called foul and said it was always about his cheeks. Jongdae called foul bullshit because he doesn't troll all the time, just oftentimes.

Kyungsoo would never admit that it was the sound of Chanyeol's heart beating next to his own that drove him to tears, and how the knowledge that he was never going to feel it again had him embracing Chanyeol tighter.

\--

“Baekhyun broke up with me.” Chanyeol tells him a year later at two o'clock in the morning over the phone, and Kyungsoo sets aside his reading assignment to listen. He has a midterm exam and two papers due later, but he listened as Chanyeol recount every single thing about Baekhyun to him—many of which Kyungsoo already knows, how his friend felt so stupid and betrayed, and how Chanyeol wanted to drink until he die.

Kyungsoo replied dutifully and patiently, making appropriate sympathetic noises here and there. He told Chanyeol that the break-up wasn't his fault, that he was a wonderful talented person who can do better than Baekhyun, and that the proper thing to do was to improve himself and make Baekhyun realize what a fool he'd been to leave him. If anything, he had just indirectly confessed his feelings to the boy without actually telling him 'I love you' once.

It was only when Kyungsoo saw the sun peeking over the horizon that he thought about how any normal friend wouldn't do what he just did and kept the company of his heartbroken unrequited love throughout the night over worrying about his own life. He wondered if Chanyeol figured, or would figure out how much he loved him.

“Am I the one you called first?” Kyungsoo couldn't help but ask as they were about to say goodbye, his curiosity getting the better of him. He felt strangely courageous with midnight oil as his fuel. Maybe he just need to sleep.

There was a moment of silence on the other line, the static filling the dead air, and for a second, Kyungsoo regretted asking. What if Chanyeol finds out about his feelings because he asked that question? What if Chanyeol—

“No, you were the last one I called.” Chanyeol said, and it's the quiet, contemplative tone of Chanyeol's voice that made Kyungsoo wait a few moments more, knowing an explanation followed. “Because you're the only one who can make me feel better about myself after everyone else had made me feel worse.”

Kyungsoo smiles, even as a tear hit his study table, and said, “Idiot.”

\--

Kyungsoo thinks it was his fault for being too hopeful.

“He's dating a guy named Huang Zitao.” Chanyeol tells him over the grilling pork. Kyungsoo looked up from poking the meat to looked at Chanyeol, who downed another shot of alcohol.

_'So that's why. It wasn't about me at all.'_ Kyungsoo thought, placing down his chopsticks. He didn't need Chanyeol to ask who 'he' was, since there could only be one person who the boy could have meant while sounding that morose.

Kyungsoo had just arrived back in Seoul yesterday after taking a summer internship in a four-star restaurant abroad. When Chanyeol called, asking to meet up with him in a grill restaurant they used to frequent with Junmyeon and the others during high-school, Kyungsoo didn't think twice and agreed.

“I have something important to tell you.” Chanyeol had said over the phone. At that time, Kyungsoo didn't think that it was anything related to Byun Baekhyun. Not anymore, anyway. He thought that Chanyeol had finally moved on and had come to terms with his feelings for him. He thought that Chanyeol had actually waited for him to arrive in Seoul after his internship was over to confess to him. Obviously, he was wrong on all counts. Now that he thought about it, Chanyeol didn't even look like he knows he had been abroad for two months.

Kyungsoo wanted to scream. He should have known. He should have known that the dark circles under Chanyeol's eyes weren't because he was thinking about him, or waiting for him impatiently. He should have known that Chanyeol drinking right now wasn't because he was nervous in confessing his love for him and was looking to alcohol for courage. Chanyeol was drowning his sorrows in alcohol. It had never been about him.

“I saw the Zitao guy.” Chanyeol continued, taking Kyungsoo's silence as a go ahead signal. “He looks like a panda.”

Kyungsoo swallowed his sadness. _'The earth to support the sunflower.'_ he thought fervently. He raised his eyebrows. “You look very much like a panda right now, you know.”

“Yeah well.” Chanyeol said, self-pity coloring his tone. “Maybe I shouldn't sleep for a few more days. Baekhyun's type might be guys with serious eye-bags.”

Kyungsoo's heart clenched painfully. Only Baekhyun would have the power to change Chanyeol's disposition like this. From the radiant 'happy virus' to this train wreck of a person. “How many days have you not been sleeping?” he asked softly. When Chanyeol put his head in his hands, his brows furrowing, Kyungsoo knew. It had been too long. The days have been bleeding together for Chanyeol, and he just didn't know how many days it had been.

_'Why did you have to fall in love with him?'_ Kyungsoo asked Chanyeol in his mind. _'Why not me? I could be the one for you. If only you would notice me.'_

Kyungsoo doesn't say any of this. Instead, he punches Chanyeol lightly in the arm and said, “Yah. The Park Chanyeol I know doesn't give up this easily. So hand him over, you overgrown alien, or I'll grill your ass to set an example to all kidnapping aliens.”

As expected, the alien comment made Chanyeol smile, even just a little. “You're right.” he said, a small sad smile playing on his lips. “Moping around like this is no good. Baekhyun won't like me if I'm so easily defeated.”

“That's the spirit.” Kyungsoo said cheerily, before he picks up his chopsticks again and turns the meat over, one side slightly burned. “You can do it. And don't you dare lose to a panda.” He waved his chopsticks mock-threateningly in emphasis.

“I have to stop being a panda first.” Chanyeol joked back weakly, but Kyungsoo encouraged his friend's lightened mood by beaming at him even as his heart broke when Chanyeol actually smiled, eye-bags and all.

Kyungsoo later blames his heart for breaking apart completely at that moment, when he suddenly blurted out, “I love you, you know.” out of the blue. But Chanyeol only glances at him from getting meat off the grill and grinned a little, chuckling and as oblivious as ever as he said, “I love you too, man. Thanks for cheering me up.”

And Kyungsoo's mind screams, _'No you don't. You never did.'_ even as he smiles mischievously, gestures to their dinner, and said, “Pay up, then.”

For all intents and purposes, it might as well have been their first date. But Kyungsoo knows it isn't.

\--

“You don't have to go, you know.” Kyungsoo said, as Chanyeol checked his white bow-tie for the nth time in the rear-view mirror. They were sitting through traffic and are on their way to Baekyun and Zitao's wedding.

Chanyeol smiled. An actual smile, and for a moment, Kyungsoo forgot why it was a bad idea to go to the wedding. “I'm not going to kill Zitao, Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol said. “The guy knows kung-fu.”

“It doesn't stop you from play-wrestling with Minseok while playing soccer, knowing he knows taekwondo.” Kyungsoo said.

“Touche.” Chanyeol grinned. “But seriously. I'm over Baekhyun now.”

Kyungsoo didn't say anything and waited.

“I know you don't believe me, but it's true.” Chanyeol insisted. “We talked about the break-up, and he told me it wasn't my fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It was just that we weren't meant to be that the relationship fell apart.”

_'And who exactly do you think you're meant for, Chanyeol?'_ Kyungsoo didn't say.

_'I'm here for you, you know.'_ he didn't say.

Instead he said, “If you say so.”

\--

Kyungsoo swept a hand over his forehead to wipe away his sweat. It was a great feat to drag (not carry) someone who normally towered over him, but Kyungsoo did it. He managed to heave a drunk person out of the function hall where the wedding reception was held, into an elevator, through some corridors, and finally into his room. He winced as he stretched his arms and felt the telltale muscle pain. He's sure to be all sore tomorrow.

True to his word, Chanyeol was on his best behavior during the wedding and until the reception. He had smiled, clapped Zitao in the back, and photo-bombed on all group photos. He was the picture of an ex-boyfriend who had long moved on. Everyone from their old gang was convinced.

Of course, Kyungsoo knew the truth. Chanyeol hid every longing look with a smile, and every sigh with boisterous laughter. When Zitao and Baekhyun had left the reception room amidst catcalls and lewd-sounding saxophone music from the band they hired, Chanyeol's image crumbled, and he started to drink.

“Kyungsoo, my arms hurt.” Chanyeol grumbled, eyes unfocused and jaw slack. He was lying face-up on the queen-sized bed, legs dangling off the edge and arms askew.

“Yes, well, I think I might have bumped them against some corners.” Kyungsoo said a little irritably. “Don't worry, your head will hurt more than your arms in the morning.” Yet even as he said this, Kyungsoo was digging through his bag for aspirins.

“They're probably having sex right now.” Chanyeol said, more to himself than to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo didn't reply as he raised Chanyeol's head and placed it on his lap before placing the mouth of a water bottle on the boy's lips.

“Drink.” he said, and Chanyeol obeyed. When the water bottle was half empty, Kyungsoo capped the water bottle and was about to pull Chanyeol so that his head was resting on a pillow when Chanyeol, eyes closed and face relaxed, slurs, “I wish I had fallen in love with you instead, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo said nothing as he extracted himself as gently as he could from the bed to take a bath and change his clothes. It wasn't as if he had been planning to bring Chanyeol to his room all along. It was just that his room is closer to the elevator than Chanyeol's.

“And I wish I hadn't fallen in love with you, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo said aloud as he sat in the bathtub, with warm water pouring down his head, his knees drawn up his chest, and his face in his hands.

\--

Chanyeol smiled brightly as he said, “This is my girlfriend, Sooyoung.”

“Pleased to meet you all.” The tall girl bowed, smiling. She had long wavy brown hair, eyes that formed crescent moons when she smiles ('Just like Baekhyun.' Kyungsoo couldn't help but think.), and a gentle smile. Kyungsoo found nothing that he didn't like about her, except for the fact that she looked like Chanyeol's little sister.

Jongdae was the one who voiced his thought. “Are you sure you're not his sister and that you're doing this because you lost a bet?” he asked, squinting at the girl.

Surprised, Sooyoung laughed and shook her head while Chanyeol leapt to choke Jongdae, saying, “Why you—!” with a genuine amusement on his face. Minseok, Jongin, and Sehun joined in the ruckus, and soon, everyone was laughing and stealing each other's grilled meat pieces, and telling embarrassing stories that involved Chanyeol to Sooyoung.

Baekhyun and Junmyeon were the only ones who weren't around, with Baekhyun now living in China with Zitao and Junmyeon in Canada studying psychiatry. Though Kyungsoo was sad that the two weren't here, he was also relieved that they weren't. Baekhyun being here would be all kinds of awkward, and he didn't want to be the recipient of Junmyeon's looks of pity. At least the others had the tact not to mention that Baekhyun was Chanyeol's ex.

Looking around, he noticed that everyone had grown more mature, even if they were horsing around right now. Jongdae now wears glasses that he insists make him look hotter, (everyone just kept quiet) Minseok has lost some (but not all) of his chubby cheeks, Sehun had more or less lost his lisp, and Jongin looked cooler than ever, with his stylish clothes and gelled-up hair.

As the night wore on, Kyungsoo realized that it has been a long time since he had seen Chanyeol happy like that—not since he and Baekhyun were together, that he couldn't help but smile, too. As he met Chanyeol's eye from across the table and grinned at him, he consciously pushed away the nagging, hurting pain in his chest that told him that he deserved to be happy too.

\--

Kyungsoo peeled an apple while he watched Chanyeol sleeping on the hospital bed. He received a call an hour ago—or 9 PM, that one Park Chanyeol was found lying bloody on the sidewalk and that the boy had been calling for him during the ambulance ride.

Not Baekhyun, not Sooyoung, but him. Any other time, Kyungsoo would be touched and think that Chanyeol had finally fallen in love with him, but with age comes weariness, and now Kyungsoo only wonders why Chanyeol had been calling for him.

\--

“Sooyoung was two-timing me.” Chanyeol said the morning after. His arm was put in a cast and bandages covered half his face, but the hospital deemed him ready to be released, and so they were just waiting for the release papers to arrive.

Kyungsoo looked at him and said nothing. He couldn't think of anything to say.

“The problem was, I was boyfriend number two.” Chanyeol continued. “Her boyfriend found out so he beat me up. If it wasn't for the old lady who passed by and phoned both the police and the hospital, I would've been dead by now.”

_'Sucks for you.'_ Kyungsoo didn't say. “That's great.”

“What is it with everyone leaving me?” Chanyeol asked desolately, staring at his hand that wasn't in a sling. “Am I really so...” he trailed off, and turned to look at Kyungsoo with the look of a man clinging to the edge of a cliff.

_'Disposable.'_ Kyungsoo thought. _'He was going to say disposable.'_

Chanyeol looked at him with pleading eyes and said, “You're the only one I have left.”

Which wasn't true, Kyungsoo knows. It was just that Baekhyun was married, Junmyeon and Minseok were abroad, Jongdae was in another district, Jongin was a bit irresponsible, and Sehun is known to go missing for days.

He was the only one who Chanyeol could count on the most. He was the only one who would drop everything—including and not exclusive to making souffles—on a moment's notice if Chanyeol got into trouble, like countless times before. If Kyungsoo didn't know better, he'd say that the boy was using and abusing his love for him. But Kyungsoo does know better to know that Chanyeol is just that oblivious to his feelings.

He sighed as he realized that the boy was waiting for some sort of verbal confirmation from him. “I don't have anyone, Chanyeol.” he answered wearily. Kyungsoo didn't know what made him say it, but he did, and at that moment, felt too tired and too sleepy to give a damn.

There was an audible pause before Chanyeol said, “You have me.”

To which, Kyungsoo half-scoffed half-smiled, looked away, and said, “Do I?”

He didn't see the expression that crossed Chanyeol's face then, from looking taken aback, to guilty, to apologetic. He didn't see the way Chanyeol's eyes widen in realization at knowing exactly what those two simple words meant. He didn't hear Chanyeol's unspoken thoughts and the way he looked at Kyungsoo as if he never saw him properly before.

\--

The last time Chanyeol properly talked with Baekhyun was two weeks before the boy married Zitao, in a small coffee shop tucked in the corner of the busy metro.

“Why did you break up with me?” Chanyeol asked then. “I just wanted to get some closure, that's all. You never did tell my why. You just sort of upped and left.”

Baekhyun smiled sadly, glad that the coffee cup he was holding hid his expression from Chanyeol. He thought about Kyungsoo, with his carefully blank expressions, his secret smiles that was directed to only one person, and his crying face when Chanyeol hugged him on their graduation day.

“Because I'm not the one for you. Because someone loves you more than I ever could.”

\--

Chanyeol didn't believe Baekhyun's words then, and called them mere excuses. Baekhyun said that he'll understand soon enough, and that he hopes Chanyeol would understand it sooner rather than later.

Baekhyun hadn't been lying at all. Someone had indeed been loving Chanyeol more than Baekhyun, or Sooyoung, or anyone, ever could. Chanyeol wonders if he was the only one who didn't know about Kyungsoo's feelings. The pain on his chest as he thought of this was more than what he felt when Baekhyun broke up with him.

The pain worsened when he remembered how Kyungsoo had been the one who talked to him all night over the phone to comfort him.

\--

“Why are you asking me this, Chanyeol?” Junmyeon asked tiredly, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. It was 6am in the morning, but it was a weekend, and he had to pull an all-nighter the day before to complete a patient's report. “Do you even know what time it is right now in Canada?”

“I'm sorry, hyung. I just...I just thought you'd be the best person I could ask about this.” came Chanyeol's reply. Junmyeon could only sigh. After approximately ten years of knowing Kyungsoo's love for the dense boy, he supposes it was time to break his silence.

“Kyungsoo has loved you for a very long time now.”

He heard a choked sound. “H-how long?”

“Does the length of time loving someone even matter?” he asked, smiling as he softly raked a hand over the hair of the half-awake man beside him who hummed sleepily under his touch. His tone took on a sterner note. “I hope you're asking this for a good reason, Chanyeol-ah.”

“I—yes, hyung, I am.” Chanyeol said solemnly. “Thanks. And um, sorry for calling this late or early.”

As Junmyeon put his phone back on the bedside table and slid back under the blankets, Yifan cracked an eye open and asked, “Who was that?”

Junmyeon smiled and kissed the man's cheek before he got pulled into a warm embrace. “A childhood friend who had finally fallen in love with another childhood friend who has loved him ever since or even before I met them both.”

“Sounds complicated.” Yifan murmured and kissed the top of Junmyeon's head lazily. “Tell me about it later.”

Junmyeon nuzzled against Yifan's chest as the older pulled him closer. “Mmkay.”

\--

When Kyungsoo woke up to the sounds of someone destroying his kitchen, (he knew the sound of pans banging against other pans, thank you very much) he expected everything from Jongdae getting the date for April Fools wrong again to his landlord Yixing forgetting to buy groceries and thus borrowing ingredients from his kitchen. What he didn't expect was seeing Chanyeol, all awkward one-hundred-and-eighty-something centimeters of him bustling around and making something that looked like...well, if Kyungsoo tilted his head a little, it looked like a bright yellow plateau of some sort. It hurts Kyungsoo's eyes just looking at it.

“Yah, Park Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol's shoulders jumped and he turned around quickly, knocking down a thankfully empty but still expensive frying pan on the floor. “Wah! Sorry, I'll pay for that!” he said, and bent down to pick up the slightly dented pan.

Kyungsoo sighed. It was really too damn early for this racket. “What are you doing here? How in the world did you get my landlord to let you in? Did you pick the lock on my door?”

Chanyeol laughed nervously. “Erm, I didn't? And Sehun gave me a spare key to your front door. He has loads. I think he even has a spare key to Junmyeon-hyung's house in Canada.”

Kyungsoo's rubbed his forehead. Yixing forgot to lock the gate again and he thinks Sehun has aspired to become a thief. Do people usually deal with these things first thing in the morning? He sighed as Chanyeol placed the dropped pan back on the counter. “But are you okay? Did your landlord kick you out? Did you forget to buy groceries?”

“No—I mean yes, I'm okay, but no, I didn't get kicked out and no, I remembered to stock up on instant noodles—” Kyungsoo winced inwardly. Those shouldn't belong to the staple food group part of the food pyramid of someone who isn't in college anymore. “—but I'm here because I have something important to say to you, Kyungsoo. It's really important.”

Kyungsoo edged around Chanyeol to switch off the stove because the yellow plateau thing started whistling like a kettle full of boiling water. “Um, okay.”

“I love you.”

Kyungsoo blinked. “Um, okay?” The slightly burned yellow plateau deflated a little and it now resembled a mountain with a crater. “Me too?” Kyungsoo wondered what this was about.

Chanyeol shook his head. “No, I mean, I love you.”

Kyungsoo's brows furrowed. “Yes. You just said so.” And, despite his promise to himself to start moving on—hell, he had already started to move on by putting all the love letters he wrote but never sent to Chanyeol in a box labeled, 'To be burned,' his heart started to beat faster.

Chanyeol stepped towards him and Kyungsoo stepped backwards. The taller boy's eyes softened and he said quietly, “I mean I love you like I want to hold hands with you in public. I want to have movie nights and baking days and kiss you before we sleep and when we wake up. Junmyeon told me that you loved me and right now I'm sort of hoping that you still do. Love me, I mean.”

Kyungsoo gulped. Every scenario Chanyeol said painted a beautiful picture in his mind, and he knew he couldn't deny anything because if he did that meant Junmyeon lied and Junmyeon doesn't lie.

But he couldn't. Not now. Not when he just started to move on. _'Twenty years, Kyungsoo.'_ he reminded himself. _'Baekhyun and Sooyoung. Enough tears to fill a bucket.'_ He said nothing.

Chanyeol took another step, and this time, Kyungsoo's back hit the counter when he stepped back. He barely suppressed a flinch when Chanyeol moved to hold both his wrists gently. “I don't care how many times I have to say it for you to believe me. I'll say it every day and every minute until I made up for all the times I broke your heart with my insensitivity.”

Kyungsoo closed his eyes to clear his head. He was getting a dizzy from all the words Chanyeol had said, from the scent of the soap Chanyeol uses, and the sweet subtle smell of gummy bears that Chanyeol had always been fond of eating during random times. He needed to have a semblance of control. He was already moving on. _'Twenty years, Do Kyungsoo.'_

“Why are you doing this Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo asked, hating the way his breath hitched at the words. “Did Jongdae put you up to this? Please tell him he got the date for April Fools wrong again.”

The reply Kyungsoo got was a tentative kiss on the top of his head, a gentle, almost inquiring squeeze on his wrists, and a whispered, “From now on, you'll have me just as much as I have always had you.”

And that was all it took for the dams in Kyungsoo's heart to break open.

He pitifully leaned forward to bury his head on Chanyeol's chest. “I hate you.” he choked out, feeling the tears flowing out of his eyes and wetting Chanyeol's shirt. Chanyeol said nothing and didn't pull away even as Kyungsoo extracted his wrists from his hold and started to weakly pound on the taller boy's arms. “I hate you so much, Park Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol said nothing, but moved to wrap his arms around Kyungsoo.

\--

Kyungsoo leaned away from Chanyeol, who was holding a spoonful of the yellow plateau turned mountain crater he was cooking awhile ago in front of his mouth. It had a gooey consistency and looked quite sinister with a spectrum of colors present in the mix. “Is that a piece of gummy bear?”

“Um, yes?” Chanyeol smiled innocently, and Kyungsoo didn't know how to break it to Chanyeol that he will never ever ever and forever amen eat anything that looks like fried radioactive rainbow pearl shake topped with burnt pieces of egg and potato chips. He was a professional chef for god's sake. He should—and does—know better than to trust alien-looking concoctions.

“Can you at least tell me what you put in it?”

Chanyeol tilted his head and began ticking off the ingredients. “Well there's gelatin, yogurt, gummy bears, vanilla ice cream, hotcake mix, marshmallows, and peanut butter.”

Kyungsoo nodded slowly, after distinguishing the gooey marshmallows and the swirls of peanut butter. “Chanyeol, not to dishearten you, but you can't exactly cook anything more complicated than scrambled eggs.” Chanyeol hung his head and Kyungsoo immediately felt guilty. “Why did you even think of cooking in the first place?”

Chanyeol rubbed his nape and mumbled. “Jongdae told me that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, so I thought cooking would be a good idea. Sorry.”

“It's okay.” Kyungsoo mentally shook his fist and made a note to tell Jongdae that the quickest way through a man's heart is through the chest with an axe. “But next time try getting into my heart with spicy food? I don't like sweet stuff very much.”

Chanyeol looked confused. “But Jongin said—“

Kyungsoo laughed a little. “I don't even know why you listen to Jongin. He's the one who likes sweet stuff.” He rolled his eyes. “He says he hates it when I make him taste-test the desserts I made when I was in culinary school but he eats it all anyway.”

Chanyeol's brows were drawn together and there was a slight pout forming on his mouth. “You cooked for Jongin?”

Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows. “Yes?” He wonders where this conversation was going, but he didn't like how Chanyeol was slowly withdrawing the spoon away from his face.

“Sorry.” Chanyeol said, putting the spoon still with the food back on the plateful of the yellow mountain crater. “This is a mistake, I shouldn't have—“ He was about to stand up when Kyungsoo caught on and managed to latch on Chanyeol's wrist, his eyes widening.

“Wait, you don't think...me, with Jongin...” he let out a gurgle. “Because I'm not, I don't...oh my god.”

“He's obviously in love with you, though.” Chanyeol grumbled, the pout still on his lips.

And, Kyungsoo couldn't help it. He let out a burst of laughter. He never thought he'd see the day Park Chanyeol would be jealous ( _'Jealous!'_ his mind screamed.) of anyone—not to mention Kim Fucking Jongin, of all the people in the world—because of him, Do Kyungsoo.

“Why are you laughing.” Chanyeol grumped. He reached over to take the plate of the yellow mountain crater but Kyungsoo slapped his hand gently away. He was going to regret this later, but right now, he was too happy to even care.

“You're so stupid, Chanyeol.” he said, and put the spoonful of gooey marshmallowy (among other things) thing in his mouth. The chef in him criticized how WTF it tasted like. It was too sweet, the ingredients don't go well together, and he could taste the powdery texture of the haphazardly mixed pancake mix. And yet, it bordered on being edible because Chanyeol made it for him.

“We could make Jongin eat it, you know.” Chanyeol said slowly, as he watched Kyungsoo repress a shudder as stood up to get himself a glass of water to wash down the ultra sweet taste. “It was his fault I thought you like sweet things in the first place.”

“Good idea.” Kyungsoo said, after taking another gulp of water and sitting back down. “And for future reference, Jongin likes Sehun.”

“Jongin likes—?” Chanyeol started to choke on air. “But—since when? Sehun? I don't—what?”

Kyungsoo chuckled. No wonder he didn't pick up on Kyungsoo liking him. “They've been going on and off for years. “Remember that time when they disappeared when we were on a field trip?” Chanyeol drew a blank. “And came back with mosquito bites on their butts?”

“Ah.” Chanyeol made a face. “Okay, I don't think I want to know.”

Kyungsoo shrugged. “But you already know, anyway.”

“Nooooo my innocent childhood.” Chanyeol groaned.

“It won't be so much innocent anymore once your brain starts to recount events that you didn't think much about then but now seem suspicious in hindsight.”

“Oh my god I remembered that time when they were late for my birthday party.”

Kyungsoo laughed. In reality, the two were late because Sehun's mom forgot she was supposed to bring the two to Chanyeol's house that day. “Who knows?”

“I need to drink a gallon of brain bleach.” Chanyeol said mournfully.

Kyungsoo grinned toothily. “Well don't expect me to share my stock of brain bleach to you. I may love you but I love my sanity and peace of mind more.”

“I need to own a company that produces brain bleach.” Chanyeol said seriously. “Do you want to co-own with me?”

“Sure.” Kyungsoo replied. “If you promise not to name it something ridiculous like CK's BB.”

Chanyeol squinted at him. “How did you even—“

“...I've known you for practically my entire life?”

Chanyeol grinned easily and leaned across the table. “You know, I've never seen you so laidback like this.”

Kyungsoo shifted in his seat awkwardly. Somehow, it was one of the wrong things to say in that particular moment, (he was already enjoying the silly conversation they were having) but he knew it was an inevitable talk they had to have.

“Yes, well, you know.” Kyungsoo said as he turned his cup around in his hands. “When we talk, we usually talk about...different things.” Kyungsoo caught himself just as he was about to say 'you.' Chanyeol seemed to have picked up on it anyway.

His eyes widened in realization of what occurred, and they fell into an uncomfortable silence that Kyungsoo chose to break.

“We're still not okay, okay?” Kyungsoo said quietly.

Chanyeol looked forlornly at him, but took the chance to reach for his hand, and Kyungsoo didn't pull away. “I know.” he replied. “I'll work hard to win you back.”

Kyungsoo wanted to correct him, to say that Chanyeol didn't have to 'win him back', because there's nothing to win back and that he was already won over in one fell swoop by the stupidly sweet alien food. But he didn't. He just wonders how exactly Chanyeol planned to win something that was already his since a long time ago, and a part of him feels giddy when he realizes that this time, he was going to be the one to be chased.

\--

Kyungsoo thinks Chanyeol trying to 'win him back' is the cutest (and fail-est) thing ever. His first attempt was when they were at their favorite grill restaurant having a late lunch with Jongdae, Minseok, Jongin and Sehun. Minseok was just telling them about meeting another soccer fanatic named Luhan from his trip to China when all of a sudden, the round-faced boy froze and started to look at them one by one, a scandalized look on his face.

“Yah, Sengin pair.” Minseok said, his voice taking a rare deadly tone. “Why are you two playing footsie in the middle of the day?”

“But we're not?” Jongin said, his eyebrows raised in surprise to the accusation, to which Jongdae rolled his eyes and said, “A likely story, Kim Jongin.”

“We're really not.” Sehun said, his face still neutral. “We're trying to be angry with each other for a week before we have a make-up angry sex marathon on Friday.”

Minseok paled and looked like he was about to vomit half his soul on his rice bowl. “TMI, you guys. Oh my god. I only asked because I was the one you were footsie-ing.” Minseok placed his head on his hands and no one but Kyungsoo noticed Chanyeol's awkward cough.

He calmly resumed grilling his meat pieces after patting Minseok's back and looked at Sehun and Jongin pointedly. “It's either you pay for this meal, or you pay for Minseok-hyung's therapy sessions. Your choice, really.”

“But I don't have money with me right now, Kyungsoo-hyung.” Sehun said, pouting.

Jongin turned to frown at Sehun before he took out his tacky Krong wallet. “I hate you so much right now, Oh Sehun.”

Sehun's pout switched to a glare and the two continued scowling at each other until Jongdae shrugged and said, “Well at least you have more fodder for Friday?”

Minseok groaned and put his head on his arms. He didn't see Jongdae's victorious troll face, the gleam in both Sehun and Jongin's eyes, Chanyeol poking his rice with his chopsticks and being uncharacteristically quiet, and Kyungsoo glancing at Chanyeol knowingly and trying his best not to burst out laughing.

\--

“Don't feel so bad about it.” Kyungsoo said cheerfully when Chanyeol walked him home after the awkward moment in the grill restaurant. The streets were silent and empty except for the occasional ahjummas carrying groceries while happily gossiping to one another. “His wallet doesn't look like it, but Jongin makes a lot of money.”

Chanyeol made a non-committal guilty sound.

“My only question is, why were you even doing such a thing?” Kyungsoo asked.

Chanyeol pouted when he looked at him, opened his mouth, closed it again, and looked away. “Never mind. It's nothing.”

“You accidentally footsie-ed Minseok-hyung. It's not nothing.”

Chanyeol sighed, still not looking at him. “I was trying to win you back okay.”

“What, with a public footsie session?” Kyungsoo asked incredulously.

Chanyeol flailed his arms a little and caused a passing cat to hiss at him before running away. “It didn't sound like a horrible idea when I read it.”

Kyungsoo was getting a really bad feeling about this. He put on what Jongin calls his 'mom' face. “Park Chanyeol. Where did you get that idea from?”

Chanyeol looked at his shoes and mumbled something that was too low to hear.

“What did you say? Speak louder please.”

Chanyeol glanced at him before looking away again. “...Cosmopolitan.”

Kyungsoo waited for the 'Just kidding!' punchline. There was none. “Oh my god. You're being actually properly serious.” He didn't know whether to cry or laugh or lose faith in humanity.

Chanyeol was pouting again. “In my defense, it was the best sounding one.”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I shudder to think what the other ideas were.”

Chanyeol sighed. “I'm really trying, you know.”

Kyungsoo smiled and reached for Chanyeol's hand before he interlaced their fingers together. A couple of ahjummas cooed at them. “I know. Thank you.”

\--

When they reached his door, Kyungsoo was the first one to speak, having thought about his decision about making Chanyeol gain his love again. “You know, you really don't have to 'win me back.' I'm already—”

“No.”

Kyungsoo looked at Chanyeol, who was frowning slightly at him. “It's unfair for you. I want to court you properly. I want to go through the process of winning your heart, flowers and chocolates and everything.”

Kyungsoo smiled impishly. “So you skipped some steps and went straight to footsie?”

Chanyeol groaned. “You're never going to let that one go, aren't you?”

Kyungsoo sighed, but there was a smile on his face. “You're really so stupid, Park Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo said before he turned the key on his lock and looked back at Chanyeol. “If you want to play footsie, at least move in with me first and let's do it in private.”

Chanyeol stared at him, dumbfounded, his mouth open.

Kyungsoo spent half an hour after that with his back against the door, hands on his face, not daring to believe that he actually went and said something like that.

\--

And so Chanyeol moved in with Kyungsoo. (Not that he did it because of the promise of sexual favors or anything. He was still adamant on his decision to court Kyungsoo properly. Kyungsoo would only roll his eyes because who courts people while they're already living with them, like seriously?)

In a lot of ways, he wasn't the perfect housemate. He would track water everywhere after taking a shower, forget to water the plants, and had a habit of eating in the living room while watching TV. All of this Kyungsoo could live with. He had roomed with Jongin once, after all.

(He still hasn't forgiven the Sengin pair for having sex in the bathroom the night he stayed up to study for his midterms after he had finally snapped and told them to 'get a room.')

It was only after Chanyeol had unpacked everything (including a tube of cinnamon-flavored toothpaste), and after they had sat down to allocate who would be doing what and who would do what first on certain days, that the awkward question of how things would be from now on hung in the air, unasked and unanswered.

Chanyeol had looked at him for an answer, but Kyungsoo was too afraid of having to actually be the one who called the shots, so he pretended like he didn't feel the heavy weight of the elephant in the room.

\--

Chanyeol arrived one day with a bouquet of a variety of flowers, to which Kyungsoo's initial response was something like, 'What's the occasion?' or 'I don't have a vase.' What came out of his mouth instead was, “Flowers?”

Chanyeol grinned sheepishly and carded a hand on the back of his head. It was a rather endearing motion. “It's for you. I didn't know what kind of flower you liked, so I sort of got one of everything.”

Kyungsoo hums. He wasn't much of a flower person, but there's only ever been one kind of flower that he likes. “Sunflowers.” he said, gratefully accepting the boquet even if it didn't contain a single sunflower, knowing what Chanyeol had probably looked like in the shop, debating with himself and asking random people's opinions until he just thought of buying one of everything, in hopes that Kyungsoo would like even a single flower. “I like sunflowers.”

\--

“Why are we playing truth or dare.”

Chanyeol looked hopeful. “It's fun?”

“How old are you again.” Kyungsoo's forehead creased and he wiped the sweat from his forehead irritably. He couldn't be counted on to be pleasant when the temperature is positively boiling and he had nothing to do but fan himself. At least when he's cooking in the kitchen, he has something to distract himself with.

The power went out five hours ago, and Kyungsoo was reaching the end of his patience. He was supposed to be peacefully watching his favorite cooking show right now, with Chanyeol sitting quietly beside him in the couch, because the boy found out the hard way how he didn't like interruptions when he watched TV. He wasn't supposed to be playing truth or dare, because it was so high-school, and they were both grown men for god's sake.

“Kyungsoo-ah.” Chanyeol groaned. “You're starting to sound like Sehun. He always forget to put question marks on his interrogative sentences.”

Kyungsoo looked at him sternly and gripped his absolutely tacky uchiwa of an idol he didn't even know tighter. He wanted to hit something—or rather, someone—with it. “Park Chanyeol—“

“Okay, okay, me first! I pick truth!” Chanyeol cut in, saving himself from Kyungsoo's lecture.

“What do I even ask you?” Kyungsoo asked, frowning, and feeling just a little bit sly. “I've known you since forever.”

Chanyeol pouted. “Dare, then.”

Kyungsoo handed him the uchiwa triumphantly. “I dare you to fan me until the electricity comes back on.”

Chanyeol shrugged and started to fan him. “Your turn.”

“You're seriously going to fan me until the electricity comes back on?” Kyungsoo asked, now feeling a little guilty. He knew he tended to be (for the lack of a better word) a bitch whenever the temperature is hot, but he didn't really expect Chanyeol to agree to it, just like that.

“I don't mind.” Chanyeol said, and he really did look like he didn't mind. “Go go, your turn.”

“Um, truth?”

“Hmm.” Chanyeol tapped his chin with his free hand. “I've been wanting to ask you, and I know this isn't the best time to ask it—“

“Then don't ask.” Kyungsoo said. He had an idea where this conversation is going, and he didn't want to discuss it just now, under the light of the emergency lights, and in the comfort of his living room couch. Discussions like this should take place preferably under the light of the moon and stars, in the middle of a field of night-blooming flowers. Or something.

“—but I always wanted to know.” Chanyeol pressed. “Why did you fall in love with me?”

Kyungsoo wanted to snap and say, _'That is one of the worst things to ask someone.'_ but Chanyeol's face was open, and his eyes were sincere. He was also still fanning Kyungsoo. “I don't know.” Kyungsoo said, looking away. He wanted to say, _'Lapse in judgment.'_ He wanted to say, _'It's none of your business.'_ He said, “You were someone I wanted to be forever together with, I guess. Even if we don't...you know, get together as lovers or anything.”

The last part was a lie. Of course Kyungsoo wanted to be Chanyeol's special someone. He wanted everything he could get and more. It was human nature to be insatiably greedy.

There was a pause in the rhythm of Chanyeol fanning him, and it made Kyungsoo glance at the boy. Chanyeol was smiling. A small, private smile that wasn't as sexy as Jongin's, or as cute as Sehun's, or as understanding as Junmyeon's. It was just a simple, content sort of smile that wasn't too arrogant or shy. It was the sort of smile that could be given when one receives a text from someone they care about, or when one's flowering plants start to bloom, or when one sees old couples walking hand in hand, looking as in love as they were when they were young and newly married.

Kyungsoo felt himself falling in love all over again.

“Sorry, but I don't want that.”

The statement was so sudden that Kyungsoo physically recoiled and scooted away from the boy, even if Chanyeol had surprisingly quick reflexes and managed to grab a hold of his wrist. “No, wait, that's not—“ Chanyeol let out a frustrated noise. Kyungsoo looked from Chanyeol's hand on his wrist to his face.

“That's not what..?” Kyungsoo asked tentatively. He's never seen Chanyeol this nervous. Not around him anyway. _'He's trying.'_ he thinks. _'That's what's important.'_

“I don't...” Chanyeol said after a few moments of gathering his thoughts. “I don't want to just be together with you. I don't want to just be your friend. I want...I want to be your everything.” He let out a self-depreciating chuckle. “Do you understand me, Kyungsoo-ah? I want it all. Everything about you. Shouldn't you be kicking me out right now?”

And _'Oh.'_ Kyungsoo thinks. It looks like he wasn't the only one who was greedy.

He licked his lips and watched as Chanyeol followed his tongue's trail. “Probably.” he said, a little breathlessly. “But I also want everything about you so....”

He managed to take in Chanyeol's wide eyes before they met each other halfway in a kiss. It was awful, with clacking teeth and desperate, fumbling hands. The worst of it was probably the way the temperature raised by another few degrees, but Chanyeol's skin was relatively cooler than his, and so he didn't protest when the boy pulled him closer.

It wasn't what Kyungsoo thought his first kiss would be. He used to think that it would take place in one of the school events, when the timing and lighting is just right, and the kiss would be soft and chaste. As he grew older, he thought perhaps the kiss would take him by surprise, because the kiss would take place in public, and it would be quick and heated, and promising of more kisses to come in private. But then he grew wiser, and thought that perhaps his first kiss wouldn't take place at all. He could only think of kissing one person anyway.

Pretty soon the kiss became a series of kisses, and when they broke for air, Kyungsoo found that he was practically sprawled over Chanyeol's lap, one hand fisting Chanyeol's shirt, the other tangled up in the boy's hair.

“You're so hot.” Chanyeol murmured against his lips. Kyungsoo fought the urge to laugh. Trust Chanyeol to take advantage of the power outage situation and produce the lamest and most obvious pick-up lines. (Was it even right to call such a line a pick-up line?) But then the boy took his bottom lip with his teeth and Kyungsoo forgot what was so funny in the first place.

“I thought we were playing truth or dare.” Kyungsoo said in-between kisses, mock-glaring at Chanyeol. “You were supposed to be fanning me until the electricity comes back on.”

Chanyeol opened his mouth to reply, already looking sheepish, but as if on cue, the power came back on, and his apologetic look became smug. Kyungsoo decides he hates and loves and feels a savage thrill run through him with that look. “Back to kissing?”

Kyungsoo did the only thing he could do then, which was to say, “Shut up.” and press his lips against Chanyeol.

\--

“Are we okay?” Chanyeol asked quietly when they had both calmed down enough to cuddle in the couch instead of making out. Kyungsoo snuggled closer to Chanyeol who tightened his hold on him. It was sly of Chanyeol to ask the question when Kyungsoo was feeling very relaxed, lips tingling pleasantly from their kissing session, heart singing the Hallelujah chorus, and body basking both in Chanyeol's comfortable warmth and the cool temperature.

“Yeah.” Kyungsoo murmured, and pressed a kiss on Chanyeol's exposed collarbone. Chanyeol's body tensed for a moment before it relaxed again. They had been okay for a long time, but perhaps Chanyeol had needed a verbal confirmation of it. As if a make-out session and a technical confession wasn't enough of a confirmation for him.

He was drifting off to sleep when he felt a soft pressure on the top of his head and Chanyeol's deep rumbling voice saying, “I love you, Kyungsoo-ah.”

But Kyungsoo thinks he must have been already dreaming then, so he said nothing.


End file.
